The People

And so we meet again in 3070!  What stories shall we tell today?  We've had the brief history and tour of our humble land.  Would you like to meet us?  Good, well then, come along.

At the entrance to 3070 sits the Man's Castle, so named by Man Robert the First who was known to say,  "A man's home is his castle."  We think he heard that somewhere else but we'll let that be.



Great grand child-wren...Jay (left) & Mac (right)



Man's Castle was the home of Man Robert and his wife, the Lady called Eleanor.  They lived there for many years and received regular visits from their child-wren and grand-child-wren and great-grand-children.  Man Robert and the Lady called Eleanor had a son named Bob (Man Robert the Second) and a daughter named Patricia.  Lisa and Robbie are the child-wren of Bob, Sara (Dippity) and Amy are the daughters of Patricia.  Sara (Dippity) has sons named Jay and Mac.  Amy has Daisy, Lucy and Sassy who are her child-wren but who have four legs and are very furry, lack of wings not withstanding.  Lisa's sons are Jacob and Josh.  Robbie (who is actually Man Robert the Third,) is the father of Jonathon, Seth and Christian.

All of the child-wren, grand-child-wren and great-grand-child-wren, together with Man Robert and the Lady called Eleanor are called The Family of 3070.  You may call them The Family if you like, being that we are not so formal around here.  Of all The Family, Man Robert and Lady Eleanor have gone to sleep and their statues of remembering are there with the Great Grandparents in the slumber-tarry just around the bend.  The Family misses them but they are not really at the slumber-tarry; they are in the King's Great Meadow.  So The Family feels a little sad but mostly happy.

Sara Dippity lives in the Man's Castle now, with her husband Dean and a four legged man with much fur named Donny.  Mac, the younger son, lives here too.  Jay the Elder lives in his own castle not too far away.  He still visits many times a week and eats their food. 

3070 is as happy as ever with The Family still visiting often and Sara Dippity still sits on The Back Porch every morning with a cup of coffee.  She talk to the King as his shadow falls across the Wild-er-ness and she remembers being a little girl and is thankful and quiet in her heart.  She calls Man Robert the First and the Lady called Eleanor Grampa & Gramma.  She hopes they think she is doing a good job of caring for 3070.  When the King's shadow falls, she knows for sure that she is just exactly at home.


From left: Man Robert the Third (grand son of Man Robert the First), Jay & Mac (great grand child-wren of Man Robert the First), Man Robert the First, Jacob (great grand son of Man Robert the First sitting on his Grandfather's lap)



Donny Vs. Shirley Temple

There are many stories from the olden days of 3070, but there are still stories happening today.  One of the stories is about Donny. 
Donny is a dog and the very first dog to live in 3070 in many many years.  Donny is a gentle dog and he really just wants to chase tennis balls and dig holes for napping on hot summer days.  Donny would like to have no enemies at all. 
Unfortunately, he does have one enemy.  One horrible horrible enemy. 

Squirrels.
Those squirrels have a Squirrel Highway and they sit up there and chatter at him all day long.
"Hey Tennis Ball Breath!"
"You sleep in a hole...ha ha!"
And they even call him mean names like "Mr. Pants."  Those squirrels are so stupid, he doesn't even have pants!
Every single day Donny has to go all over 3070 chasing those hateful squirrels.
"Get out of here you hateful squirrels!" he barks at them. 
One day, a squirrel who was sitting on a park bench started talking to Donny.
"Hey, what kind of an animal are you anyway?"
"Arrooooo!" said Donny, "What do you think?"

"I bet you don't even have a proper name," said the squirrel.  Squirrels are obsessed with proper names.  This squirrel's name was Shirley Temple and she was much meaner than she looked.

"I do so too have a proper name, it's Donny!"

"What a dumb name.  You are a big ugly dumb Donny."

"Oh shut up Shirley Temple,"  said Donny.  "Shows what you know.  My name is Donny and I'm a hound dog.  Arrooooo!"

Shirley Temple scampered up the tree and down the squirrel highway. 

The next day she came back.

"Hey you, you ain't nothin' but a hound dog!"

Donny glared at the squirrel.

"You ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying all the time!"

Donny said, "Arroooooo! I'm not crying all the time!"

"You ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine!"

Donny wasn't sure why Shirley Temple would be his friend if he caught a rabbit but he was sneaking up on her as she stood at the base of a tree so he let her keep talking.

"I'm gonna change your name you old hillbilly hound dog!"

"Arrooooo!" said Donny running after her.  That's it, nobody is changing his name.

And do you know what that mean old Shirley Temple did?  She went and told all those other mean old squirrels her new nickname for Donny...Elvis. 

For some reason, it stuck.

The El Camino Chip Monk Brothers

Did you know that many squirrels are bullies?  It might seem that they are cuddly and sweet-faced but they can be quite nasty as well.  That was what was happening one day when a squirrel named Humphrey Bogart ran across a chipmunk named Brother.
"Hey you!" said Humphrey Bogart, "What are you doing?"
"Just gathering seeds to share with my brothers," said Brother.
"What's your name?" said Humphrey.  "Brother,"  said Brother.
Oh brother.  That's how it all started.  Humphrey Bogart said Brother was a dumb name and Brother was a dumb dummy.  Brother explained that all of his brothers were named brother.
And Humphrey Bogart laughed a mean squirrel laugh and said, "Get out of here and don't come back until you have a real name!"

Brother was scared and embarrassed and he ran home to tell his brothers what happened.  You might be wondering yourself why all of the chipmunks were named Brother?  It is because the chipmunks of 3070 are actually Chip Monks.  They are devoutly religious chipmunks you see.  Until the day that Humphrey Bogart the Squirrel made fun of Brother, they thought it was a fine arrangement.  However, Chip Monks are humble animals and if Humphrey did not want them to come back to gather seeds until they had names, they had better get names.  Winter was coming fast and they certainly needed to gather food. 
But where would they find names? 
They asked the Dove Sisters where they got their names.  Eleanor, Elizabeth, Goldie, Emma and Elsie cooed gently, "Our mother and father gave us our names, of course."
If the Chip Monks parents had given them names, it was so long ago they couldn't remember them anymore.




The Chip Monks tried to ask the squirrels where they got their names.  Judy Garland and Micky Rooney the Squirrels threw acorns at them and said, "Scram!"

Then one day as the Chip Monks were asking the King for an answer, they saw Man Robert the First on Man's Perch.  He was talking to another man who said he needed a new truck.  Man Robert said, "All I can tell you is, I loved that El Camino."

El Camino!

The gentle Chip Monks thought that El Camino would be a wonderful name.  After all, their good friend Man Robert loved it.  Let those mean old squirrels try to push him around!

The next day, three of the Chip Monk brothers went out in the morning to gather seeds.  Humphrey Bogart was already there with another squirrel named Clark Gable.

"Hey chipmunk, didn't I tell you not to come back here until you have a name?"

"Yes indeed you did!" said the Chip Monks all together.  "And we do have a name!"

"Oh yeah, what's your name?"  said Clark Gable.

"El Camino!"  the Chip Monks chirped in unison!

"That's a dumb old name and anyway, you can't all have the same name." said Humphrey Bogart.

"Oh yeah," said Brother El Camino, "That shows what you know.  This way,  everyone in 3070 knows our name.  We know no strangers!"

Humphrey and Clark thought that something seemed strange about that idea but they couldn't quite put their finger on it.  So Brothers El Camino, Chip Monks of 3070, gathered their seeds in peace.

And whenever a mean old squirrel tries to make fun of them, they remind him that they were named by Man Robert the First himself.

Chipmunk Avenue

One day, Gerheart the Great looked around the beautiful land of 3070 and thought to himself, "I think we're on to something here, savvy me?"   No one answered so he decided to call an official assembly. 
"People, birds and creatures of 3070," Gerheart boomed, "Gather 'round, I've got something to say, savvy me?"
The problem was, Gerheart thought he boomed when actually, he only chirped. 
That's why the only ones to come to his meeting were The Chipmunks.  Having rather chirpy voices themselves, they were sensitive to the upper registers. 
Gerheart was not discouraged.  He looked at the furry mass of chipmunks and told them his plan.
"Chipmunks of 3070,  it is time for our great land to move up in the world.  I therefore decree that 3070 is officially a village and I am the mayor!  Savvy me?"  And the chipmunks, all at once, raised their tiny paws and said, "Chirp! Chchchchchch!"
"Listen here you chipmunks, it's your lucky day.  It's time to put the Village of 3070 on the map.  I am giving you a great responsibility.  You are appointed to name the streets of 3070!" 
And the chipmunks each pointed to their own tiny chests and looked at one another and said, "'Who?  Me?" and "I'm pretty busy right now Mayor Gerheart."  and "Hey, when did we vote?"
"Off you go you chipmunks and name the streets of the Village of 3070!  You all voted for me, don't you remember?"
And the chipmunks really didn't remember but they were embarrassed that perhaps they'd forgotten so they didn't say anything.  Besides, no one else had ever been nice enough to invite them to an assembly. 
The next day the chipmunks came back and told Gerheart that their task was complete!  The mayor was so excited at how quickly the Village of 3070 was coming along that he declared a parade.  During the parade, the chipmunks would officially tell everyone the new names of the streets of 3070.  Off they marched headed due east from Bird's Corner.  "What's the name of this street?" asked Gerheart."  "Chipmunk Avenue!" 
Hmm, well that seemed a bit self-important but why not give the little fellas a chance to enjoy their moment in the limelight.
They turned north and the chipmunks excitedly called out, "Chipmunk Avenue!" 
"Wait wait wait!"  boom/chirped Gerheart the Great.  "I thought the last street was Chipmunk Avenue!"
On and on it went all day long until finally, Gerheart was getting a headache from the tinny shouts, "Chipmunk Avenue!" and sore feet from walking along behind the motley group of chipmunks.  Gerheart was, of course, not accustomed to so much walking.
"Hang on you crazy chipmunks!" Gerheart called out.  "Am I to understand that you took an entire day to name every street in 3070 Chipmunk Avenue?"
The chipmunks looked at one another quizzically.  "Of course Mr.Mayor!" 
"Good heavens you crazy chipmunks!  Why in the world would you do such a thing?"
"It's quite simple, "the chipmunks replied, "This way you always know where you are and you'll never be lost.  Even strangers will always know exactly where they are...Chipmunk Avenue!"
And so, the streets of 3070 were named all those years ago.
As for Gerheart the Great, he looked around and decided that perhaps it was best to leave well enough alone.  His feet were sore and his head was aching and he couldn't remember which Chipmunk Avenue led home.

And that is why, to this very day, there is no mayor but a dozen Chipmunk Avenues in 3070.